Tag Archives: becoming

Breath of Life

16 Sep


September 2013

Last night I had the best feeling. The best feeling/best sleep I have had in a while.

I read this poem:

There are two kids of intelligence: One acquired, as a child in school memorizes facts and concepts from books and from what the teachers ays, collecting information from the traditional sciences as well as from the new sciences


With such intelligence you rise in the world. You get ranked ahead or behind others in regard to your competence in retaining information. You stroll with this intelligence in and out of fields of knowledge, getting always more marks on your preserving tablets. 


There is another kind of tablet, one already completed and preserved inside you. A spring overflowing its springbox. A freshness in the centre of the chest. This other intelligence does not turn yellow or stagnate. It’s fluid, and it doesn’t move from outside to inside through the conduits of plumbing-learning. 


This second knowing is a fountainhead from within you, moving out. 



I took five minutes, breathing in and out. Finding this space, this space of inherited knowledge, of the light from within that fills me with joy. Breathing in oxygen that gave me life.

And I was still… in such a warm glow of completeness I didn’t want it to end. A place where everything was all right, where my worries didn’t come to bother me, where I felt love for myself and those around me. It was truly magically.

Becoming an Adult

18 Jul


July 2013

“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.” Lao Tzu

It is funny how we have these stages in our lives where we grow from baby to child from child to teenager from teenager to university student from university student to “adult”.

And along the way we have transitions, points in time where we are not a baby anymore but not yet a child, and how do we decide how to act, what we should do, what is right and what is wrong.

Can you remember those stages, remembering when we reached the next level?

How many times have we decided where our next step was going to be?

What type of person would we become?

What habits would we continue or let go?

So often I find myself drifting, drifting into a mould of myself for the sense of convenience. This is the easiest way to live, sure I have some flaws and things to improve but that takes work and I am ok with what my life is right now.

But I have found that drifting attitude has gotten me to a wall, where the ways I used to act as a university student are prohibiting me from moving forward. Where I want to excel at life, but I have to work on these years of bad habits and lack of direction in order to create a path I am proud of.

I can tell the difference between my adult self and my university self. I hear the voice instead my head, the irritability, the selfishness arise and then the adult self takes a breathe looks how this action would affect everyone and the consequences and decides what would be the most honourable thing to do.

It is funny to think that we have two selves inside our one being. But doesn’t that make the most sense, if we are always transforming. Something we need to let go of and something we need to advance to.

Micheangelo always said that there was a sculpture within the marble even before he started, and the only thing he needed to do was to let it free. Chipping bit by bit of the unusable rock away before the statue showed itself to him.

And maybe that is what it is like growing up, chipping away at all the nonsense that used to hold you back, and becoming your true self.

Best of luck to all of those who are trying. I know I am.

Thoughts in Portugal

11 Jul


November 2008

Those who work all the time and think that money makes them happy have no time to find delights in the little delight in life- they walk over a flower in the crack with their Prada heel.

Funny how in the winter time you can’t think about wearing any other colour than black and any other weight but warm, but slowly the weather does change and with it- you.

Sometimes I forget where I am. I can walk a whole block and not even realize it, I can pass many things before I stop and take a deep breath and ask, where am I, I am here not there in my thoughts or in that place. I look around and think ok, I am present.

While I was in Italy I felt as though the streets and buildings were concrete and there I was, all my atoms together in a foreign world like oil in water, but when in Portugal I felt as though my hair was the wind, my feet planted through the grass, my body the sea, and I blended into the city.

There was a boy next to me and we were friends, I could take his ear plugs and listen to his music like we had been friend travelling our daily route together. Through joking seriousness we ran through conversations, honesty met with a joyful twinkle of a little kid, playful are they that live by the sea- I will remember them well.

Don’t you just love it when you are smiling and you look over and someone is looking and smiling at you like a mom does when they look at their sleeping child, caring, wondering, and you both laugh and look down or away as if embarrassed of this intense moment but still like the lingering taste of garlic, the warm feeling of the smile resides.

Lisbon is the place for– I sink into it like a foot print in the mud, the perfect fit, the earthy feel, childish action- I can’t help but smile.

Even the poor, weighed down with her black torn shawls and sweaters, wrinkly face, thickened skin from nights in the cold was enjoying a chocolate pudding.