Becoming

8 Jul

57347138792e41ea40c16ffb57a148a83e57b455_m

October 2008

You know what’s really cool is that I am taking control of my life.

There is a quote that goes “The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You don’t blame them on your mother, the ecology or the president. You can realize that you control your own destiny.” Albert Ellis.

I’ve had this quote for a while, but I never wanted to accept it until now. Now I feel as though I have the maturity and the capability to see a problem and fix it. As well, I keep in mind that hard problems are never fixed instantly and just because I failed to fix a problem on the first try doesn’t mean it won’t be fixed later on. I have a goal in sight and through my failures I have learned how to get closer to that goal.

I have also learned that if something isn’t working, try something new, create a new plan to see if that works. And to not be afraid of failure because the most successful people are the best failures. I have a hard time though, with keeping people out of my head and ring to decide for myself, trying to believe in myself, trying to dust off my knees and decide where to start climbing again.

As if I am trying to listen to my music on a bus and everyone else is talking so loud that I can’t hear my own beat.

But if I focus in, the beat gets louder, that’s just a muscle I will learn to flex.

Part of me wonders what if I never reach my goals, what if I always fall, just to get up over and over again. But on second thought, what other choice do I have? If I don’t fall and get up, I just fall.

I choose to fight.

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